Found on Reddit: most accurate description of what I’m up against here:
A large part of how I experience depression is like when you have the flu, and you feel weaker than you are, and when you try to make a fist or grip something you just can’t.
That’s how you’re whole body feels, it’s how your mind feels, it’s how your emotions feel, it’s how your relationships feel, and it’s how life feels. You have that obvious awareness that you are, in reality, much stronger than that. But at that moment it’s just not there, and you can’t get it back, and each morning you wake up you check to see if you’re strength is back, and it’s not. And you’re disappointed with your own inability, and you’re ashamed to show people that you don’t have the strength to grip and pick up the jug of milk, so you try to hide it and pick it up anyway, and you can hold onto it for so long, and then, unavoidably, your grip gives way, it falls to the ground, and it spills all over the fucking place.
So if you’re one of the many people who are wondering why I haven’t [insert thing I’ve failed to do that I said I would], … I have a bit of a mess to clean up.